This post has been in the back of my mind for a while. I wasn't sure I should follow through with it as it's very personal, but this is my blog and a place I have created for myself to speak freely about who I am, what I've learned, and hopefully to help others in any way I can. I know that there are many of you out there who have struggled the way I have, have been through something similar, or are going through it right now. And for that reason, I believe God has led me here to tell you, this too shall pass.
For those that do not know, I was in a long term committed relationship to my high school sweetheart for almost nine years. We split for reasons that were hard to face - we wanted different things in life; things that neither of us wanted to sacrifice. And after this, I feel that I learned a lot about who I was to this person, who he was to me, and what I wanted in the future.
ONE | IT'S OKAY TO DECIDE THIS ISN'T FOR YOU ANYMORE
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion I did. I didn't want to believe that the person I had spent so much time with, someone I had intended to marry and build a life with, would one day be a possible stranger. Yet ultimately, I decided what was best for both of us long term. I felt guilty for a long time, but don't do that. Don't feel guilty for what you need. It's okay to realize what's right for you, and to make that decision for yourself.
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion I did. I didn't want to believe that the person I had spent so much time with, someone I had intended to marry and build a life with, would one day be a possible stranger. Yet ultimately, I decided what was best for both of us long term. I felt guilty for a long time, but don't do that. Don't feel guilty for what you need. It's okay to realize what's right for you, and to make that decision for yourself.
TWO | DON'T REGRET THE MEMORIES MADE
Don't regret your time together, try to think of it as a positive and what you learned from it, and how it helped shape the person you've become.
THREE | ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE
Grief - you'll have it. No, this person didn't pass away, but trust me, it's going to feel like it. When you are with someone for that length of time, it literally feels like a death. I can honestly say that I went through a period of mourning. Mourning the relationship, mourning his family, and mourning the future we were "supposed to have." Although this person was still alive and breathing, I truly felt that loss; the loss of him and his family.
Grief - you'll have it. No, this person didn't pass away, but trust me, it's going to feel like it. When you are with someone for that length of time, it literally feels like a death. I can honestly say that I went through a period of mourning. Mourning the relationship, mourning his family, and mourning the future we were "supposed to have." Although this person was still alive and breathing, I truly felt that loss; the loss of him and his family.
Knowing someone for over 11 years definitely means you were a part of their family. Honestly, sometimes I felt I was closer to some of his family than my own. So letting go of that was absolutely devastating, and it's taken a lot for me to heal from that.
With that said, allow yourself time to grieve.
FOUR | BE SELFISH, FIND WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
Focusing on yourself is something you have to do. Remove the focus you have on that person, what they're doing, who they're hanging out with, and what they're up to and focus on you and what makes you happy. Maybe it's spending more time with your loved ones, or exploring a new hobby. Finding other things you're passionate about will eventually lead to happiness of your own.
FIVE | STOP BLAMING THEM / LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
Stop blaming them for their part in what went wrong. Realize your own faults too, and allow yourself to LEARN from it. Realize there is two sides to every relationship, and take a step back from blaming them for their wrong-doing, and see what you could have done differently, and remember that in your next relationship so YOU can do better.
SIX | FORGIVE AND MOVE FORWARD
In conjunction with number five, forgive them for their faults in the relationship. Don't hold onto that anger as it's not going to get you anywhere, trust me.
SEVEN | BE HAPPY FOR THEM
Even if it's hard for you, try to be happy for them when good things happen to them. It can be difficult when you are no longer apart of that happiness, but try to remain humble. They deserve happiness just like you do, so hope for them what you hope for yourself.
EIGHT | YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SAD AND HAPPY MOMENTS
I put this one here because this was all too true for me. Not only have I had sad and happy moments back to back, but I've had them simultaneously. Which may be hard for anyone to understand, unless they've been in this situation. You can be in a moment where life feels good, and you're genuinely happy, but you can also still feel that sadness in the back of your mind. Just remember that's okay - don't feel guilty for feeling sad in a happy moment, or for feeling happy when something good happens in your life.
NINE | PRAY / THIS TOO SHALL PASS
During the midst of the breakup and long afterwards, I spent a lot of time praying. Praying for me and praying for him too. Praying we would both be able to move forward with our lives and be happy, and I truly feel that helped bring peace to my heart. And remember, this too shall pass and God answers prayers. Most of the time, it's not in the way you expected, but He does - in His timing.
I hope some of these help someone going through something similar.
What have you learned from a past relationship? What would be your biggest piece of advice for those who are going through something similar?
No comments :
Post a Comment